We know that for many people, the holidays are a time of struggle. They are times of sadness for any number of reasons. There is grief from a loss that could be recent or simply ongoing, heartache from broken relationships or ones that never lived up to their expected level or significance, financial stress, job loss, personal unfulfillment, and the list could go on. Even when you find yourself in a good spot, often a song, a smell, a timeline photo, a movie, or something unexpected sabotages you and your back in a dark place. Sometimes you are simply unable to move out of the dark place.
If you are experiencing personal struggles during the holidays, perhaps the following suggestions might be helpful. If you are in a relationship with someone who is struggling and it hurts you to watch their pain, maybe these things will be helpful to you as a way to offer encouragement and hope.
Ways to bring encouragement to those who are hurting:
Remove “should” from your vocabulary as it relates to telling people how to feel. While it is often difficult to deal with reality, who is to say that someone’s real feelings are not a part of their healing journey?
Be comfortable where you are or where someone else is even when it is uncomfortable. Many difficult things in life must be experienced and cannot be bypassed without creating more pain.
Give people who are grieving an opportunity to talk about their struggle even if it makes you uncomfortable.
Talk openly about the things you loved about a person who has passed, speak their name aloud in the conversations, let the grieving person know it is OK to talk to you about this person who is still so important to them
Don’t be afraid to say “No” to invitations that will lead you to places you are not yet ready to go socially or relationally
Keep safe people close enough in your life so that you can be real; people to talk to, cry with, even share difficult feelings of anger or guilt
Consider grief as a tribute to the love and value of a relationship that leads to greater gratitude than feelings of loss
Remember that there are those who God has given you in your life now that can be blessed by receiving your love
Engage people with a close friend by your side who can be there if you need someone or will help you be able to exit appropriately if the situation or feelings get too heavy to bear
Look for opportunities to share or receive comfort and point out joyful things even if it only brings joy to others
If you are struggling, invite God into the struggle and be real with Him about your thoughts and feelings. If you are invited to share in someone else’s struggle, just show up. There may not be any answers to give to the struggling person except for “I am here. I love you even in your pain. I’ll walk this road with you."